I remember sitting in a counselling session with a 10-year-old.
From the outside, everything looked normal.
She was polite. Smiling. The “no trouble” kind of child.
I gave her three options: drawing, storytelling, building something.
You can choose, I said.
She looked at all three… then at me.
Pause.
“What do you think we should do?”
I smiled, “What do you feel like doing?”
She didn’t answer.
She just watched my face, trying to get it right.
And then she said—
“Whichever is easier for you.”
That moment stayed.
Because this wasn’t about choosing an activity.
It was about not wanting to trouble someone.
When I asked what she liked, she said:
“I like stories… but anything is okay.”
“Anything is okay”
Sometimes, this doesn’t mean peace.
It means the child has stopped choosing.
What it may feel like inside?
* Let me not take too much space
* My choice might upset someone
* It’s safer to adjust.
Where does this come from?
Sometimes, people-pleasing is not just a habit.
It’s something we learned very early.
As children, we all try to feel safe in our environment.
And sometimes, without even realising, a child learns:
“If I keep others happy, things stay calm”
“If I adjust, I won’t upset anyone”
This becomes a way of coping.
Not because the child wants to, but because it feels safer that way.
What happens later?
The child grows up… but the pattern stays.
They ignore their own needs
They put others first
They struggle to say no
Not because they are weak—
but because this is what they learned.
What this becomes over time?
You keep checking if others are okay
You feel guilty saying no
You struggle to choose for yourself
And one day… you say—
“Anything is okay.”
Small shifts that make a big difference
With children
Use softer words like:
* Tell me what you feel
* Let them take time to choose
* Listen when they say “I don’t like this
* Allow small disagreements
* Use softer words like:
“Tell me what you feel”
With yourself
* Pause before saying yes
* Start with small, polite no’s
* Give yourself time to respond
“You don’t lose people by setting boundaries.
You lose yourself by not having them.”
The goal is not to raise a child who is always “easy.”
The goal is to raise someone who can say:
This is what I feel
This is what I want
And still be kind
Next time someone asks you—
“What do you want?”
Pause.
And instead of saying, “Anything is okay…”
Say— 👉 “This is what I want.”
